Why can't women put the toilet seat back up?

Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive.
John Sloan

I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

I no longer fear hell -- I've worked in Retail.

Any mental functions attempted in this area must be re-evaluated during a subsequent period. It has been discovered that standard logic works sideways in this area due to the influence of the occupant.